number 1 boyfriend:

number 1 grandpa:

number 1 serial killing band:

number 1 savior:

i heart clothespin face.

my dad used to sing this song to me when i feel asleep on his living room floor, watching one of three shows:
1. saturday night live
2. night court
3. moon lighting

he would sing it as he carried me from the living room to my bed.

i have a second interview with eurotazza tomorrow afternoon, so hopefully that will go well. becoming worried about approaching bills and diminishing savings, i walked into luby's today to apply...as the smell of liver and onions, mashed potatoes and buttery rolls invaded my nostrils, i thought..."i don't really want to wear one of those visors. it's not even sunny in here."

albertson's
mamma's pizza
einstein's bagels
sunflower healthfood shoppe
richardson's health food
eurotazza
borders book store
various p.a. positions seen posted on craig's list
land title research

i really just want to work at spiral diner with my boyfriend, just like the dream i had a couple of weeks ago..everyone knew i only got the job because i was dating rick. it was awesome, and they used rubberbands to keep the lambs and spoons together(lambs are like those two pronged stabby forks you see people use to spear meat when grilling. they only exist in my dream).

it turns out that the only promising lead i've had in my job search is to dress in the geico lizard costume part time for $10 an hour.

not so promising after all, is it?

fuck that job.

fuck insurance companies, too.

let's barter.

let's pool our money so that when someone has a medical need, they are provided for by their neighbors who love them.

let's dance. (fast and silly-as too avoid vagueness)

let's sing. (loudly and together)

let's hug. (tightly and like we mean it)

let's create. yeah, that's pretty wide open.

let's rebuild and redeem. (people, places...think small, think big!)

let's laugh at ourselves! hahahahhhh!

i love mack trucks...other trucks...big chunky trucks, with simple yet impacting color schemes...i am not a photographer, but every time i see them, i want to be. i can't figure out what it is that draws me to them.

rick almost had a wreck trying to catch up to this one so i could capture it. its lines and shapes are much more complex than the ones that normally excite me, but it was all brilliant, true red...


it looked o! so much better in person.

sometimes we hang out on my roof. it is wonderful. we could jump from ours to the neighbors', if we tried. we wish the hospital were not obstructing our view. we need to get a new, thicker blanket to sit on so as not to burn our buns on the tar when we are out there.


come eat lunch with us there sometime.

Heid's off work today for her 27th birthday. After filling our bellies at the Phoenician place on Hemphill, we stopped downtown...Heidi has been talking about this bookstore she used to frequent several years back, somewhere off of Houston. She already checked once this morning to see if it was open, with no luck. When we arrived this afternoon, the door was still closed, and Heidi was disappointed. A man that seemed to work at whatever new bar is in place of the old Black Dog saw our long faces, and suggested that we try the one around the corner.

As we walked around the corner, Heidi explains that she thinks she remembers the two stores being connected. We arrive at the door of the second shop, no sign, and she looks through the window, up a flight of stairs and says, "I can see him!" I say, "Have you tried the door?" She repeats that she can see him...I impatiently, as always, repeat my question, and so she satisfies me by pressing down on the latch...and we are both startled by a loud ringing door buzzer. We look at each other...."Did we do that?" He's coming..."Oh, I feel bad! They're closed!", Heidi says.

We learn from the stout, white haired gent who answers that the shop we originally tried to enter is his son's, and the one we are now seeking entry into is his. Heidi explains her desire to look around, and he says, "Only for 15 or 20 minutes...but be very careful, as the books are stacked extremely high, and will fall on you."

We climb a steep narrow staircase, which has one of those systems installed where a motorized chair can take you up and downstairs. Only he has books stacked in the chair. That's his system. When we get upstairs, we enter a winding maze of books upon books upon books. It was beautiful. Breathtaking. We could have spent a week in there.

I found the children's section, Heidi found the poetry section...I really wanted to buy Rick this Humpty Dumpty book, but I didn't have the cash on me.

I found some I thought he'd like, and brought them to our man, who didn't hear me the first three times I tried to ask if I might make a purchase. He named his price and said, "This is your introductory purchase. You can't buy anything after this." I am not sure what he meat by that.

He said we could call a day ahead next time, and gave us the number to his son's shop. He said that he just likes to buy books, and hasn't really gotten around to pricing most of them, so it would be better to look through his son's shop for buying. We left, grateful...feeling like we were the only two people in the world he had ever let see his books...even though we know better.

I can't wait to go back. I want to shake his hand.

My step mom's birthday was on April 1st. Dad asked us to have dinner at "Buca de Bepo" on Thursday for the occasion. Me, my sister, her son and daughter, my half brother, his wife and their son, my half sister, her husband and their two sons. The age range for the kids was from 1 to 14 years old. My nephew Noah Miloh was the only one who did not make some shrill ungrateful remark during this event, and that's because he's only a year old, and doesn't talk enough to do so. Yet.



I know my siblings have done their best to raise their children well...I know we grew up too afraid to ask for anything, and appreciated, or pretended to appreciate everything we were given. I've witnessed(in some siblings, at least) far better parenting skills in them than those displayed by our parents. So I have come to the conclusion that kids get together in school and turn each other into douche bags. Whiney, grabby, annoying, selfish douche bags. To stop this cycle in our family, I have decided that if I have kids, I am going to send them to a third world country to go to school. A place where there are no DS's(whatever the fuck that is), or cell phone carrying 8 year olds. Where the only peer pressure is to fucking survive, man. Find clean drinking water. Avoid AIDS.



I love these kids. Especially my nephew Marcus. He's my favorite. Yeah, I have a favorite. They have good hearts. Their minds are just perverted with this culture.

If I start now, maybe I can reverse the damage, and they will turn out to be really awesome human beings, like Holly and Rick. And Glowsnail. And invite me over to make mosaic pots on family night.

I love experiencing something new/different/unexpected in a familiar place. I have just sat down at my newly acquired desk to write, and am realizing for the first time how pleasant the view is from the window on the east side of my living room. No rolling hills or anything, but the green tree tops and the heavy gray sky are quite nice. This is now my favorite place to sit and be alone. Thanks to my charming beau.

Plans for my new sitting place:

1. Finish reading The Irresistible Revolution so I can start on the other two waiting for me.
2. Draw more.
3. Continue writing and complete the memoir I am afraid to write.

It's gonna be great.

me understanding you, and you understanding me is so much more important to me than changing your mind. i want to know how you feel. what you think. why. what did your current position evolve from? who are you? who have you been? who are you becoming?

i want you to ask me the same questions. i want us to listen to one another, so that we may learn each other better-not learn how to intelligently disprove each other's arguments.

i want us to make mistakes. i want us to share. i want us to grow. i want us to work together. i want us to laugh at ourselves, at each other. i want us to change the world.